Running Hard

Deeper is today. I am leaving in a little over an hour to head to George’s to pick up the PS200, then I’m meeting Mark, Dave and Rick at 1pm at the OC. From there it’s on to Portglenone to set up.

I’ve mixed feelings about this evening: I am excited to see what God has planned but I am feeling awful. I have a cold. I hate colds. I keep sniffing and I feel drowsy. Grr…!

Listening to Bethany Dillon’s self-titled album right now… it’s so good!

“Many have travelled this road before,
I see the tracks in the dirt.”

When I read/listen to that line it makes me think of life as Paul described it – a race. I think of a dusty track in the hills of Greece with green trees around me. The sun is high in the sky and I’m dying of thirst. There is no one around for miles. I have little food and even less water but I know that I’m running toward the finish at which time I will have all the food and water and company and rest that could ever I need.

Looking down I see the tracks in the dirt and I get to thinking… “who made those tracks?” Do you know who made those tracks? Saints like my dad, my minister and my friends. Saints like Paul, Constantine, Peter, James and John. Isn’t that awesome?! That the very people whom I look up to and wish that I could be more like have run along the same portion of the track where I am running now. How encouraging is that?

“Who am I?
Just a youth!
Why has that become the excuse?”

When I struggle and when I mess up I am so quick to excuse myself. How foolish. Just because I am young in age and in faith, does that excuse acts that I know are forbidden? Certainly not! But do you know what is more scary than my foolishness? God’s promises.

If we give up and turn our backs on all we’ve learned, all we’ve been given, all the truth we now know, we repudiate Christ’s sacrifice and are left on our own to face the Judgment–and a mighty fierce judgment it will be! If the penalty for breaking the law of Moses is physical death, what do you think will happen if you turn on God’s Son, spit on the sacrifice that made you whole, and insult this most gracious Spirit? This is no light matter. God has warned us that he’ll hold us to account and make us pay. He was quite explicit: “Vengeance is mine, and I won’t overlook a thing,” and, “God will judge his people.” Nobody’s getting by with anything, believe me.

Hebrews 10:26-31, the message

Is that not a sobering passage? Does that not make your heart skip a beat? “I won’t overlook a thing.”

But I have Christ! He has covered over my failings. He has accepted the punishment that I was meant to suffer. Thank you, Jesus!

God, why are you holding me so tight? Why do you go out of your way for me? Why do you love me? I’m such a mess, so weak – so undeserving. I have done nothing to deserve this mercy… this grace… this love. God, help me to love you!

I am running my race. I am running hard. My feet hurt and I have blisters. My tongue is sticking to the roof of my mouth because I am so thirsty. But I hear a voice… a voice calling out…! The voice is guiding me toward the finish line. If only I could hear the voice more clearly, I would be able to discern the direction better. Shout louder for me… please!

I just gotta keep running… running hard…

Not To Us

Rick and I met this morning for two hours to talk and pray about Deeper. Everything seems to be sorted for the #special this Saturday and the same could be said for #1.05 next Saturday. It really is awesome: without us doing very much at all, God has brought everything together. Praise God!

We’re at the Bethel Temple, Portglenone, this Saturday. George was saying that they are going through a “quiet spell.” I don’t really know what that means but I hope that Deeper will be beneficial and encouraging for each saint who comes. It is my prayer that God would be glorified by the praises, the prayers and the supplication of all who draw near. The Bethel Temple is a small building but I hope that it is so full on Saturday. Not just full of people who are coming to hear music; not just full of people who want a two-day pick-me-up. No, I want it to be full of people who are there to sing their hearts out – to sing so loudly and so passionately that they leave at 11pm hoarse! I want them to leave with red eyes from the tears that they shed in God’s presence! I want Saturday to be special!

“Deeper is not about numbers,” I hear you inaudibly say. Yes, I agree: Deeper’s aim is not to draw huge numbers of people. Even if it was we couldn’t do it; that is all in God’s hands. It’s not that I want to perform in front of a crowd. It’s not even that I want to be praised by loads of people for the event. As the song says, “Not To Us.” No, the reason that I want loads of people to be there is so that Portglenone will be transformed during those four hours. That the Church there will move from a state of seeking God to a state of finding God!

Yahweh is the Living God – He is vibrant, powerful, active, penetrating and moving!

“[If] my people, my God-defined people, respond by humbling themselves, praying, seeking my presence, and turning their backs on their wicked lives, I’ll be there ready for you: I’ll listen from heaven, forgive their sins, and restore their land to health,” (2 Chronicles 7:14, the message).

How awesome is that verse?! It is telling me that I am God’s – I belong to Him without question. It is also telling me that He has made the first move and what a move it was! “Mighty is the power of the cross,” sang Chris Tomlin and Steve Curtis Chapman. No longer do I stand condemned; I now stand justified in the presence of the just, righteous and terrible Yahweh Himself. If I humble myself to Him, talk to Him, seek Him and turn my back on all that is darkness then He is there waiting. I am the prodigal; He is my Father. I am returning after wasting my gift of life; He is running towards me with open arms whilst all the way shouting to get the steak out – it’s party time! Oh God, thank you! It is so trite but I don’t know what else I can say: thank you!

“But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong,” (1 John 1:9, new living translation).

How many times have I entered into prayer or played sax or sang praises without feeling guilty. I cannot remember a time when I have. In chapter six of his prophetic book, Isaiah sees an vision of God and look at his reaction: not “wow” but “woe!” Being in the presence of the Holy One made Isaiah’s impurities even more pronounced.

That is exactly how I feel a lot of the time. I know I’m justified but I still feel condemned. God help me! By the power of Your Holy Spirit sanctify my life. Purge from me every spot, stain and sin so that all that remains is what is acceptable before you. Wash me, God.

I am excited about Saturday. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, it feels like God has done most of the work and brought it all together. Rick and I have had exams, TMB is in Thailand and Amanda has been busy, too. Could it be that the Deeper #special is going to be an instrument of God’s in His answering of His peoples’ prayers? Lord, not out will but Yours. Lord, “not to us but to Your Name be the glory.”